i think my tv is drunk
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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