worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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