So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
do herpes really smell.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize