my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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