Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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