hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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