remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
