Dual....:-)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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