So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
