A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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