My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
