if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize