we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize