I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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