What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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