Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
