hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
