I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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