last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
