So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
