this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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