dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
