I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
