I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Pants are for mortals
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
