if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
