i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
