Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
