Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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