i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
