We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
