2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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