I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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