i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
