oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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