Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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