I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
