I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
