You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
