He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We have so much sex to catch up on
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
