I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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