I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize