Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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