I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
