Moan for me like Helen Keller
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
