Will you blow on my dice?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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