I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
