the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
