Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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