trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
