can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
