I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize