He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
