how can u be prego again
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
