I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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