im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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