this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the day after is always just damage control
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
