oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
