I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
