You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
