sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I looked at my own cervix.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
