This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
