Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize