You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
