Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
