I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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