I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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