Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
