I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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