Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
