I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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