I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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