I wish my penis had an off switch
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize