SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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