I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize