I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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