Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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