wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize