Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
