i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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