Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
