Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
