apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
