put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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