she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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