Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
