wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
