Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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