Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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