he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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