so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
