did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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