If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
