literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize