I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
