Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
