I should be sponsored by Trojan
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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