on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize