He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
