Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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