please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
