this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
