this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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