Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
