I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
