Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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