Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
