sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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