She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
