is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
