who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
