On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am available for nakedness
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize