My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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